Whats missing?

Its almost over by now.The one Onam I have been waiting for so eagerly.This time there was not anything like getting rid of stupid exams, holidays............Still I had a woe that I will celebrate each and every moment of this season.I wanted to feel the same way as it was in my childhood.And the preparations started right from the day of Atham*.I 'discovered' some unhealthy Thumbas* in the distance I can cover in case I wake up late(this came handy from the 4th day).Selected a smooth pebble as Thrikkakkarappan*(I gave a big thought before this.Don't know whats behind this custom. I don't know if it falls to a superstition or a custom.Wanna avoid it ? Na.....just be the same way I did as a kid...thats it.Wow.....following my own footsteps!!!!!).Then came the question of location.No way, I am not gonna work over a 'Thara'*(some deviations are allowed).Let it be in the sit out.


Everything went well till the 5Th day.Famine of different colours of flowers came to play.I remedied by accepting leaves in place.Then a dentist turned the whole routine upside down.Some sedative pills dint allow me to rise early(Actually it was me who dint took care of my teeth n brought the matter worse that i couldn't avoid approaching the dentist).Anyway I could have relaxed having a caring father who brought me flowers from the market.But being myself so intelligent lead me to blunders.I kept the whole mass of flowers in freezer so that it stay chilled .My heart sank the next morning when i opened the freezer in hope of fresh, chilled flowers.Its was a discoloured ,stinking heap ......:( I lost my heart. From the next day onwards it was just doing a duty i have committed to.Still i remembered how precious this time is and i have to enjoy it to the last bit.Some how i did till today.


But I know the whole enthusiasm is missing.So recreating the kiddy mindset is almost impossible.It was a time when the heart pleased on very simple things and I found myself energetic doing pleasing things.Now what is left is the longing for being enthusiastic on such things that entertained me once(I don't know if it is necessary.do we have to change our interests as time passes?).And yes , now a days I am an expert in the art of making myself happy.............

Thrikkakkarappan* -a symbolic representation in mud of thrimoorthis....but we use a pebble
Atham * - first day of festivities in the ten-day-long Onam
Thumba* - a white flower
Thara *- a earthen platform on which flower patterns are laid

My brother Sonu...............................

While going through the old SM'S' in the inbox, i noticed this particular one from Sonu. "When we were kids, we were eager to grow up.And now we are grown up and realize that those wounded knees were much better than today's broken heart." TRUE.Indeed! A sentence from my 12Th std Malayalam book read like this 'every individual and society have the golden memories of their past'.Those were the best days of my life.I have a very clear memory(clear should be emphasised, i even remember the exact words of dialogues) about that time.All those are strongly related to my paternal and maternal ancestral homes.

The one figure who played the main persona was Lil Sonu.We are maternal cousins by blood.We met at our Grand mother's place twice or thrice in a year.This boy was such an obedient and disciplined one that everybody asked me to follow his manners.Me, the naughtiest of all girls, observed this with a rebellion going on inside.How he ne'er shouted at our grand mother(who used to advise me on each n everything, for which i had a great disliking), how he ne'er drenched in mud water,oh god, i couldn't imagine being like that!!!

Always our grandmother gave him privileges since he is the only boy in the family that time(there was already a girl who preceded me).I was totally against the system and sometimes viewed him even as an enemy.

But i can't find words to express how loyal Sonu was to me and he bear ed all my verbal and physical attacks as he is destined to do the same.There are uncountable occasions i can point out.....

Once we planned to play upstairs and i carried a tumbler of water along with some mixture to eat.Some how i spilled half of that water on the wooden staircase.On the way down Sonu slipped from that step and rolled down falling to the bottom.I cried as loudly as possible.Even neighbours came running and they took the bleeding boy to nearby clinic. I told them it was me who had the idea of carrying water n spilled it, everybody started scolding me.Back from the hospital he asked me if we can play sitting somewhere. I threw a heavy rubber ball and asked him to catch it.Oh, the ball hit exactly on the stitched wound on his fore head! He sobbed but kept quiet when someone passed by and asked me not to tell others ,otherwise they 'll scold you again.I couldn't understand why he dint want me to be caught guilty.If it was me he could have hung up by myself.

Another trick i used to play on him was to visit our neighbours'. I used to explain them that Sonu cried to come here ,so 'poor' me took him here, thats it.It should have me who convinced him to visit them and the helpless boy looked into my eyes with a question.I looked away and he smiles as what i said was the truth.

Though he was 2 years younger than me, it was he who imparted me valuable
bits of knowledge.He told me about the golden treasures possibly hidden somewhere around the house.We used to dig the sand heap brought for house repair to find out the treasure.We used to hide an army medal(probably our uncle's) in sand and indulged ourselves in 'mission medal recovery'.He told me stories about spies and detectives.The only thriller i had was 'Inspector Garud' from Balarama.He ne'er cared for Cinderella whom i adored.We always enacted some stories and he let me play the main character.

Once our grand mother stated in a family get together that how pious Sonu is that he worshipped even the 'black stones'.The next time i went out ,i closed my hands in prayer in front of each and every stone that discoloured to black 'coz of the moss gathered on it.

He had a craving for automobiles then itself.He bought toy cars n trucks and damaged them within hours.When we were living in the city, he along with his parents payed visits frequently.We used to play with building blocks and a yellow egg rack.I presented him with my toy cars(i scarcely had cars but dolls).Once i had a green jeep with a driver in it.He pleaded for it.I was so reluctant to to give it away that i lied it was my friend's.But at last we made the deal, he can have the car n me the driver.He plucked the driver from it and gave it to me.

I have a lot of very joyous moments spend with him coming to my mind.Any way he remains the same today.Always loving ,caring and trust worthy.I thank god for such a sweet little brother.Love him always..........